Alfie

I received a call early in the afternoon from Deda asking if I would allow that my dog Alfie be brought to the vet and have him confined because he is sick. I was initially surprised because I didn't see it coming but later in the day realized that I should have expected it because I have neglected him. I have never for the longest time paid attention to him nor have I ever took a minute to even glance at him because my attention is with Louise and the newly born puppies.

From work, I planned to go home first but when I passed by the clinic, my instinct told me to step out of the cab and visit him. When I saw him, I was beyond shocked. I couldn't believe he is THE Alfie I used to play with. He is beyond recognition and he is so so so weak. When I arrived, he was lying down. I called his name and tried to communicate with him and he responded. In fact, he got a little hyper, tried to stand and walk but he was in really bad shape and was falling. After a while, he had seizures. I thought he was gonna die. That moment I lost control. I cried so hard. I cried not only because I felt I'm gonna lose him but also because I knew that I failed him. I did not give the proper care and attention he so rightfully deserves. He gave me 14 beautiful puppies and I gave him NOTHING. I felt so sorry and ashamed. And the thing is, he still recognizes me. He gave me a look that says everything and I understood. It was like he was trying to say: "I forgive you. Please take care of me. I don't want to go...just yet." He was in the worst form but he was trying to survive. I went home crying and feeling soooooo bad. At 3am, I was still crying and praying for him. I want him to survive because I want to give him what he truly deserves and make up for everything I have and have not done. I never thought I would cry over a dog. I never thought a dog would have touched my heart so much the way Alfie did. I don't know if I could forgive myself if I lost him.