Monday, June 13, 2011


How time flies... In the 34 years of my existence,

I found a job right after college... my first ever job and I still work there.
I had my first boyfriend when I was 18. It lasted for 4 years.
I met my second boyfriend in 1999, got engaged in 2008 and separated last September 2010.
After 16 straight years, I now find myself single again. Both relationships had "tragic" endings.
I am at the mercy of my destiny...

Sunday, March 13, 2011

THE AWAKENING by Sonny Carroll

There comes a time in your life when you finally get it... When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world from a new perspective. This is your awakening.

You realize that it is time to stop hoping and waiting for something, or someone, to change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that there aren’t always fairytale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you. Then a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

So you begin making your way through the “reality of today” rather than holding out for the “promise of tomorrow.” You realize that much of who you are, and the way you navigate through life is, in great part, a result of all the social conditioning you’ve received over the course of a lifetime. And you begin to sift through all the nonsense you were taught about:
  • how you should look and how much you should weigh
  • what you should wear and where you should shop
  • where you should live or what type of car you should drive
  • who you should sleep with and how you should behave
  • who you should marry and why you should stay
  • the importance of having children or what you owe your family
Slowly you begin to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really believe in. And you begin to discard the doctrines you have outgrown, or should never have practiced to begin with.

You accept the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are... and that’s OK... they are entitled to their own views and opinions. And, you come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a “perfect 10” Or a perfect human being for that matter. So you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head or agonizing over how you compare. And you take a long look at yourself in the mirror and you make a promise to give yourself the same unconditional love and support you give so freely to others. Then a sense of confidence is born of self-approval.

And, you stop maneuvering through life merely as a “consumer” hungry for your next fix, a new dress, another pair of shoes or looks of approval and admiration from family, friends or even strangers who pass by. Then you discover that “it is truly in giving that we receive and that the joy and abundance you seek grows out of the giving. And you recognize the importance of “creating” & “contributing” rather than “obtaining” & “accumulating.”

And you give thanks for the simple things you’ve been blessed with; things that millions of people upon the face of the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed and the freedom to pursue your own dreams.

And then you begin to love and to care for yourself. You stop engaging in self-destructive behaviors including participating in dysfunctional relationships. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and exercising. And because you’ve learned that fatigue drains the spirit and creates doubt and fear, you give yourself permission to rest. And just as food is fuel for the body, laughter is fuel for the spirit and so you make it a point to create time for play.

Then you learn about love and relationships, how to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. And you allow only the hands of a lover who truly loves and respects you to glorify you with his touch. You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say, intentionally or unintentionally and that not everyone will always come through and interestingly enough, it’s not always about you. So, you stop lashing out and pointing fingers or looking to place blame for the things that were done to you or weren’t done for you. And you learn to keep your Ego in check and to acknowledge and redirect the destructive emotions it spawns; anger, jealousy and resentment.

You learn how to say I was wrong and to forgive people for their own human frailties. You learn to build bridges instead of walls and about the healing power of love as it is expressed through a kind word, a warm smile or a friendly gesture. And, at the same time, you eliminate any relationships that are hurtful or fail to uplift and edify you. You stop working so hard at smoothing things over and setting your needs aside. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK and that it is your right to want or expect certain things. And you learn the importance of communicating your needs with confidence and grace. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that eventually martyrs are burned at the stake. Then you learn to distinguish between guilt, and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that you don’t know all the answers, it’s not your job to save the world and that sometimes you just need to Let Go.

Moreover, you learn to look at people as they really are and not as you would want them to be, and you are careful not to project your neediness or insecurities onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on your arm or the child that bears your name. You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love and relationships and that that not everyone can always love you the way you would want them to. So you stop appraising your worth by the measure of love you are given. And suddenly you realize that it’s wrong to demand that someone live their life or sacrifice their dreams just to serve your needs, ease your insecurities, or meet “your” standards and expectations. You learn that the only love worth giving and receiving is the love that is given freely without conditions or limitations. And you learn what it means to love. So you stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn that “alone” does not mean “lonely” and you begin to discover the joy of spending time “with yourself” and “on yourself.” Then you discover the greatest and most fulfilling love you will ever know. Self Love. And so, it comes to pass that through understanding your heart heals; and now all new things are possible.

Moving along, you begin to avoid Toxic people and conversations. And you stop wasting time and energy rehashing your situation with family and friends. You learn that talk doesn’t change things and that unrequited wishes can only serve to keep you trapped in the past. So, you stop lamenting over what could or should have been and you make a decision to leave the past behind. Then you begin to invest your time and energy to affect positive change. You take a personal inventory of all your strengths and weaknesses and the areas you need to improve in order to move ahead. You set your goals and map out a plan of action to see things through.

You learn that life isn’t always fair and you don’t always get what you think you deserve and you stop personalizing every loss or disappointment. You learn to accept that sometimes bad things happen to good people and that these things are not an act of God... but merely a random act of fate.

And you stop looking for guarantees because you’ve learned that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected and that whatever happens, you’ll learn to deal with it. And you learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time, FEAR itself. So you learn to step right into and through your fears because to give into fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms. You learn that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophesy and you learn to go after what you want and not to squander your life living under a cloud of indecision or feelings of impending doom.

Then, YOU LEARN ABOUT MONEY... the personal power and independence it brings and the options it creates. And you recognize the necessity to create your own personal wealth. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself, by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart’s desire. Then a sense of power is born of self-reliance. And you live with honor and integrity because you know that these principles are not the outdated ideals of a by-gone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build your life. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting and to stay open to every wonderful opportunity and exciting possibility. Then you hang a wind chime outside your window to remind yourself what beauty there is in Simplicity.

Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side you take a stand, you FAKE a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.

A word about the Power of Prayer: In some of my darkest, most painful and frightening hours, I have prayed not for the answers to my prayers or for material things but for my “God” to help me find the strength, confidence and courage to persevere; to face each day and to do what I must do.

Remember this: “You are an expression of the almighty. The spirit of God resides within you and moves through you. Open your heart, speak to that spirit and it will heal and empower you.” My “God” has never failed me.

Friday, January 30, 2009

Begin Again

One of the best things we can do in our lives is this:

Begin to see yourself as you were...
When you were the happiest and strongest you've ever been.

Begin to remember what worked for you
(and what worked against you)
And try to capture the magic again.

Begin to remember how natural it was when you were a child --
To live a lifetime each day.

Begin to forget the baggage you have carried with you
For years:
The problems that don't matter anymore,
The tears that cried themselves away,
And the worries that are going to wash away
On the shore of tomorrow's new beginnings.

Tomorrow tells us it will be here every new day of our lives;
And if we will be wise,
We will turn away from the problems of the past
And give the future  -- and ourselves -- a chance
To become the best of friends.

Sometimes all it takes is a wish in the heart to let yourself...
Begin again.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Gucci love.

For the longest time I have given up on owning another Gucci bag. And then...

My pretty cousin Carol surprised me with this
I love it!
What makes it even more special is that it was totally unexpected.

Happy Year of the Ox, everyone!!!

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Out with the old, In with the new!

It's 2009 now and I'm still not over 2008... The past year has been a good year for me.  There are so many people I owe a lot to and I extend my sincerest THANKS to everyone who has been a part of my 2008.  You know who you are.  I may have hurt or angered you or caused you feelings of repulsion towards me, I am sorry... (I tell ya, it's the hormones!) :D

It's time for a new list of goals.  For 2009, I have a short one.

1.  2008 has been all about me.  This year, I will try my best to be more selfless.
2.  Give my parents two of their most anticipated gifts.  One is in the works, the other one will have to wait 'til next year? =)
3.  Start fixing my new place and hopefully transfer within the year.
4.  Save up for a vacation abroad with my mom.
5.  I wasn't able to accomplish a goal last year to visit an institution for the aged.  I pledge to carry out this task soon.
6.  Enroll in a boxing class.  I just inquired at Elorde Boxing Gym and I really really want to start soon!  I have to keep fit and feel good about myself so I could bring positive vibes around me.  
7.  Live and let live!

Friday, November 21, 2008

I want...

a SMEG fridge for my little kitchen,
or any vintage-looking one just like Rachael Ray's

these trunks (pbc's photos from the tPF site)
Anyone knows where I can make pagawa here?

Neverfull MM in damier

Lisa George's (Dirty Sexy Money) bag.
I hate Lisa but if there's one reason for me to like her, it's this bag.

Monday, October 27, 2008


Someone's grumpy today...

It must be the

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

My Comfort Food.

mc d's french fries. with mayo. yum.

Starbucks' hot green tea latte.
Friends say I'm weird for liking it. They're wrong. I love it! =)

What's yours?

Friday, September 26, 2008

Alice Blue Candle

As I was walking along Glorietta early this evening to "visit" Charles & Keith, I saw this booth of scented candles called Alice Blue Candle and next thing I knew I was having a hard time deciding which scent to pick. I bought two votive candles from their bestsellers: Berry Crumble and White Tea & Ginger. What also got me which is important to note is that Alice Blue candles are made from soy wax, which, unlike paraffin wax candles are biodegradable, produce less soot, and are extracted from a renewable source (soybeans).The candles smell so great even when not lit, I swear! But of course I lit one candle and as I am typing this, my room has DELICIOUS written all over it, it smells so yummy! I'm coming back tomorrow to get MORE!

Great book buys!

National Bookstore is on sale and I love my recent book buys:
The 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene
from P609 to P487.25

Style A to Zoe at about P500+.
Available on paperback only.

3 books by Dave Pelzer
@ P200+ each


Gone in 60 Seconds...

I finally tried the Delimondo corned beef...

My verdict: DELICIOSO!

I never got the chance to take a photo of it because it was literally gone in sixty seconds, with Aj leading the "race".

It's priced at P120/can and it's relatively expensive compared to other local canned corned beef in the country, but it's worth it.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Back to Nokia

So I got a new phone...
I originally wanted a Nokia 6500 Classic but since the E51 I got is cheaper by a few hundred bucks and is definitely a better buy, I opted for the E51.

Reasons for buying:

1. I got a good deal with Allied Bank's promo.

2. I miss Nokia's U smiley.

3. The Sony Ericsson I've been using for my Globe (which I got for free) is really really old now. =)

4. I don't want to use my iPhone as phone yet (but I bring it with me everyday). I treasure it so much, afraid to lose or scratch it (haha). For now, I'm contented just using it as iPod. Besides, it's hard using it for SMS.

I am officially back to being a Nokia user. I haven't used it but I love that it's sleek and SMS-friendly plus it has wi-fi, too!

Saturday, September 20, 2008


This mineral water from France promises to help one lose up to a kilo a week by increasing one's metabolism, combat fatigue, prevent heart disease and strokes by augmenting magnesium levels, and eliminate bad cholesterol.

But actually, it does only one thing - It detoxifies, eliminates excess fatty acids through the presence of Magnesium. Because Magnesium has been studied as one factor to inhibit the spread of diseases...

Who has tried this thing? I am interested and would love to get feedbacks first before buying...

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

"Amazing Race Makati"

I had an "amazing" race in Makati this evening!

and it's all because of this:

You see, bloghopping and joining forums have brought me to places I never thought I would be, made me discover and experience new things, kept me up to date on the latest trends and gossips, brought out the "shopaholic" in me, helped me earn a little extra, and more! That makes me slightly dependent BUT eternally grateful to the power of the internet.

So after reading ravings about this corned beef by Delimondo to which they claim as the best-tasting corned beef in the country, I got a little curious and was convinced to try it. I read they are being sold at Petra and Pilar in JAKA Building so off I went with PP. We got to JAKA in Ayala but didn't see Petra and Pilar in there so we asked the guard. This guard had no idea what I was talking about (I went as far as talking about this corned beef!) and suggested we go to JAKA II in Legaspi Street instead. I never knew there was JAKA II. We got to JAKA II after a couple of minutes and surprise, surprise there wasn't a Petra and Pilar in sight. I still didn't give up. I was panting as I was talking to the guard and boy, I never expected there are actually 3, yes three JAKA buildings in Makati and yes this popular Petra and Pilar is not in JAKA II. We got the wrong address. That moment, out of shame and hunger, I lost hope of bringing home the corned beef (haha)! We went to the nearest resto we could find and settled for these:

grilled porkchops (HUGE!)


at Dome beside Makati
Medical Center.

After having my batteries recharged, do you think I will give up? I knew we were close to the target so we asked the waiters if they know where JAKA Centre is (thanks DD!). Good thing there were med reps inside who pointed us to the right direction. It's actually in Pasong Tamo!

I haven't tried it yet but after what we've been through, this MUST be good!

Here is the exact address:

Petra & Pilar
Ground Floor JAKA Center Building
Exportbank Drive corner Chino Roces Avenue (formerly Pasong tamo),
Makati City
Near Buendia and Pasong Tamo intersection.
Open from 11am to 11pm

On Poetry...

Literature is one of my favorite subjects in highschool. We used to memorize and recite several poems in class. Who could forget Browning's How Do I Love Thee? or Henley's Invictus?

I know it's funny but right now I'm *crushing* on Pablo Neruda's poems
. He is one of my favorite poets, aside from E.E. Cummings.

Thought bubble: I will try to read this to PP later. Nyahaha!

If You Forget Me
by Pablo Neruda

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.

Now if he replies with a poem, it's going to be the creep! :D

What is your favorite poem?

Wednesday, September 10, 2008


For over a year now,
I've been meaning to buy Fisheye 2 lomo camera
but for some reason haven't bought one.



Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Signs that I'm getting old

I stumbled upon D's blog about the signs of getting old. Here's my personal take on the matter.

Signs that I'm getting old:

1. I prefer staying home and sleeping in over partying out with friends.

2. My interest in magazines change from Cosmopolitan to Real Simple, from InStyle to Oprah, from fashion to interior designs.

3. I drink less coffee (!!!) and more tea nowadays.

4. When I go to beauty stores, I notice there is a separate rack for moisturizers for age 20+ and 30+. Do I have to remind myself and announce to the whole world which rack I go to? Geeeezzz.

5. I drink vitamin supplements more than ever. My mom recently shared with me a bottle of fish oil. Good thing she didn't give me calcium supplements or else... :D

6. People ask me if I went to see the concert of Rick Astley and George Benson/Al Jarreau who performed here in Manila recently. What the...?! Haha. I honestly wanted to see Benson and Jarreau's concert but forgot to make earlier plans for it.

7. The subject of "age" and "weight" is seriously becoming an issue. People, ever heard of EQ? =)

8. When I had to say "
Just because..." when people ask why I read the Twilight saga. What's more, they even had to say "Di ba pangbata yan?!"

9. Fashion-wise, I now prefer Plains & Prints over Bayo and Kamiseta.

10. I dread Christmas holidays because it means gastos.

11. Reunions become frequent. (highschool, college, batchmates...)

12. I take care of my folks more than they take care of me. Hey, I'm not complaining.

13. I reminisce about the good old days and then people younger than me become clueless!

14. I mention my crush and people say, "Nagkakacrush ka pa?!" Mean people! :D

15. I'd have to agree with D when she said: when moving out becomes a reality. Finally!

To my peers, this world is mean to our generation haha. I say, live and let live!

To the young ones, tatanda din kayo!!!

Monday, July 14, 2008

Sandy's Pizza

This has been all over the blog world and it got me really curious so when I happened to see the place after I had my nails done at Nail Loft, I promised myself that I will go there one of these days.

And finally went there last Friday night!


We got The Sampler - any four flavors of our choice and had White Pizza, Tuyo in Olive Oil, Pizza Margherita and Meatzerella. I love everything! Next time I'll have it delivered. Can't wait to try the other flavors!

Check out Sandy's site here.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

My AI Bet

The moment D shared youtube's link to this American Idol contestant on his rendition of the song Billie Jean, I was blown away. Of course, you already know him by now. His name is David Cook (D, careful how you read it!).

I also love his Always Be My Baby performance. Can't wait to watch him perform tomorrow (Manila time).

Thursday, April 10, 2008

I Miss...

If there's one person in the world that I'm terribly missing right now... it has to be my Nanang. I was reading my old Xanga entries about her and I can't help but cry.